What cheese ice cream taught me about God
"I'm pursuing you with greater ferocity and love"
This past September, I was in South Korea on pilgrimage. It was an eye-opening and beautiful experience that I’m still unpacking, and hope to have more to share at some point.
For now, I wanted to share a small part of the trip — a seemingly mundane and silly one — and how it took a silent retreat to see how even in the tiniest details, God loves me and God pursues us in ordinary life.
I’ve written before about my love for ice cream and how I know that God delights in me through it.
One thing I noticed pretty quickly when I arrived in Seoul was how proud Koreans are of their dairy. I took a one-hour long bus ride from the airport into downtown Seoul at the beginning of my trip, and during the entire trip, there was a TV at the front of the bus cycling through two ads — likely for the tourists. One of them focused solely on Korean dairy.
We’re talking B-roll of rolling green pastures, hundreds of cows, and then close up shots of every dairy thing imaginable: milk, cheese, and — you guessed it — ice cream.
As I got off the bus, I didn’t think too much of this ad that I had been inundated with.
That is, until I came across Cheese Industry.
Let me paint a picture for you. Our first few days in South Korea, our pilgrimage group stayed in a hotel not quite in downtown Seoul but nearby an area called Insadong. Across from the hotel, there were a line of restaurants and cafes facing the street (you will never go hungry in Korea!), and it all looked quite normal.
The first night a group of us went out in search of a place to have dinner. One of my new friends suggested going into the back alley to take a look. My stomach churned at the phrase “back alley”, envisioning something dirty and potentially dangerous.
I was pleasantly surprised at how the “back alley” was the complete opposite of the images conjured up in my head. The “back alley” was actually a series of connected alleys, almost like a maze, with restaurant after restaurant lining both sides of the streets. There were neon lights and fairy lights, every kind of cuisine and dessert imaginable, and it was packed with people.
As we weighed our options and walked up and down the busy streets, one thing caught my attention that I knew wasn’t a viable dinner option… but it would work for dessert.
This, my friends, was Cheese Industry.1
I was taken by the overall aesthetic of the restaurant. It was industrial meets rustic, farm meets cabin in the woods. There were big and shiny silver drums sitting behind glass windows. The woodframe entry had an electronic door that, upon opening, revealed a countertop lined with cheese-inspired pastries. A refrigerated section with more cheese pastries, wine, and cheese for purchase. There were trees, burlap sacks and fake rocks all over the place.
But that’s not what captured my attention — though indeed, it was a lovely surprise. What caught my eye, and later became a running joke throughout the rest of the pilgrimage among our group, was this poster that read “Cheese ice cream: 3,000 Korean Won”.2
This wasn’t the first time I had come across or even had cheese ice cream. But I think what really sparked my curiosity was how vibrantly yellow-orange it was. We’re talking Kraft Dinner-level yellow. That, plus one of my new friends not being convinced that it would taste good, encouraged me all the more.
That first night, after we had dinner, we went back to Cheese Industry only to find out that they were sold out. I can’t speak for others in the group, but I legitimately was disappointed.
But the disappointment spurred me on, and the next night we did the only logical thing: we went for dessert first. We stopped by Cheese Industry, got the cheese ice cream, and let me tell you: it was delicious. I shared it with one of my pilgrimage friends in the off-chance that it was terrible. Needless to say, it wasn’t. It was great, and it ended up being a quirky part of the journey — so quirky, that the day we left, my friend and I went back at 10 in the morning to enjoy the cheese ice cream one last time.
Weeks later, I was back home. I was on a brief, one-day Ignatian silent retreat. During one of the prayer periods we were invited to reflect on our personal “joyful mysteries” — moments where we felt joyful, and inviting God into them. We were asked to re-live the joyful experience, envision God seeing us joyful, and asking God to come into this particular moment of joy with us, asking Him what He’s saying to us through it.
Having done this kind of prayer in the past, I walked into the prayer period with no expectations. When I think about the span of my life to date, I’m grateful that I have many to choose from. And somehow, when it came time to pray, God brought cheese ice cream back to my mind, heart and stomach.
I re-lived the experience: Seeing the poster and restaurant for the first time. The race to get back to the place after dinner. The initial disappointment that it was all sold out. The super-fuelled desire to go back the night after. The joy and laughter that came with actually getting the ice cream. The bliss that came with enjoying the ice cream and company with my new friends.
I found it surprising, almost comical, that this was the memory that would come to mind during the context of retreat. As is part of the practice, I shared this question with God. Why this memory, of all memories? Surely there is something more meaningful or profound that I could reflect upon!
In response, I received this: I am pursuing you in this way, with greater ferocity and love.
While chasing after cheese ice cream was indeed partially for fun and curiosity, there was still a pursuit. But this gave me a tiny sliver of a glimpse into the way God pursues me.
I’m not afraid to admit that I thought about that cheese ice cream a lot, especially after we couldn’t get it the first night. It’s funny to say out loud. But imagine if we thought about God with that kind of intensity, frequency, and intentionality. Because that is how He thinks about us. It’s how He thinks about you, it’s how He thinks of me. And if I’m being honest, I know that I haven’t been thinking about God with anything close to that depth.
Almost immediately after I came home from Korea, my world changed in a way I wasn’t prepared for. One of my new pilgrimage friends said to me at the time that “it sounds like God is making space for something new.” Now, I find myself in the balance of believing that is true — even thanking God for taking away — while also feeling frustrated, disappointed, and angry.
But in the absence, while I started to chase other things, God was and is pursuing me with greater ferocity. There is a power to that word, thinking of God as ferocious, staking His claim and declaring what belongs to Him.
I know that I’m still in a process of healing, and even this little epiphany doesn’t instantly make things all better. But I am encouraged by knowing that our God is someone who never tires of pursuing us, even when I feel too tired to pursue Him.
It’s been a bumpy road since enjoying the cheese ice cream for the first time. But if this is the reminder I am given that I am forever loved and pursued — a free gift, as I was shown with my previous ice cream story — then for that I am grateful.
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars that you have established;
what are human beings that you are mindful of them,
mortals that you care for them?— Psalm 8:3-4 (NRSVCE)
In Jesus,
Rachel
If you ever find yourself in Seoul, and you’re staying in or around Insadong/Jongno District, I would highly recommend going to Cheese Industry! (not sponsored) — https://www.instagram.com/cheeseindustry
At the time of writing this post, 3,000 Korean won is equivalent to about $3.00 Canadian dollars.
Such a magnificently written reflection. Thank you for the suggestion to pray my own joyful mysteries as well (that includes a culinary delight as well!). Keep staying the course, Rachel. Your work is a blessing to all who read it. Michele